Black Alert
by Kream45
Summary: The sensors in Tracer's room were going crazy. She couldn't believe it. The worst had happened. She knew that nobody would believe her. She had to save the world alone…


Tracer woke up in the middle of the night. The sensors she set up in her room years ago and forgot about finally emitted the signal she's been worried of for her entire life.

"Oh my God…" she thought, "This… is CODE BLACK!"

She quickly dressed up and ran to Winston's room.

"Winston!" she shouted, "Get up! We've got a problem!"

Winston, who was currently fapping to gorilla gangbang videos under his blanket, unwillingly raised his head.

"What's going on?" Winston asked and yawned, "Don't tell me we've got another terrorist attack…"

"No, it's worse!" Tracer said, "We've got a code black!"

"... And what does that mean?"

"That means the ratio of black people to white people in the world has changed dangerously in favor of black people!"

"Not this shit again…"

"No, listen!" Tracer began her explanation, "You see, my magical sensors just got crazy a minute ago. It would seem that over this single night, many white people died, and many black children were born. It changed the ratio of black/white by a whole TWO PERCENT in favor of black people. The balance has been disrupted, Winston. We have to do something about it."

Winston sighed deeply and raised himself on his hammock.

"Listen Tracer." He started, "I know how much passion you've got for all those theories about dark-skinned people. However, the last time you were involved with black people, you were sentenced two hundred hours of community service for harassing people of African-American descent."

"… I understand." Tracer nodded, "You don't want to get involved in my purge. I'll go and solve it myself. Goodbye."

"Wait, what? It's not that I don't want to get involved, it's that YOU can't get involved in any more black-related matters! Also what was that about a 'purge'? Hey, where are you going?! Come back here!"

He wanted to shut the door, but Tracer already ran away before he was able to press the button.

"Athena, call everyone. We need to stop Tracer before she screws up again."

"Okey-dokey." Athena replied, "Calling the Faggotwatch members to stop Tracer."

Tracer ran to the hangar, but the entire Overwatch squad was already there. The doors have closed, there was no escape.

"Guys… please… you don't understand!" Tracer sobbed.

"We understand clearly." Jack Morrison said, "You're out of your mind. You need to stop this right now."

"You don't understand SHIT!" Tracer yelled, "The balance has been disrupted! The future of this entire universe is in danger! Only I can solve this problem!"

"Oh no." Mercy said, "We know what you want to do. And we won't let you. Just because you're not right in the head, doesn't mean we're going to allow such crimes."

Tracer knew she couldn't kill them, because that would disrupt the balance even more, as most members of Overwatch were white. She had to neutralize them.

"Oh, look, a black person!" Tracer pointed behind them.

"Yeah, right, as if we're gonna turn around." Torbjorn laughed, "… there's no black person behind us, right?"

"Calm down, Torbjorn." Jack said, "She's tricking us into turning around."

They were twitching and moving their eyes to the sides.

"I can't, I've got to look." Mercy said and everyone looked behind.

Tracer used that moment to blink herself into one of the airplanes and fly off.

"Damn, she got us again!" Jack threw his rifle on the ground, "The same trick each time!"

"Guys, we can't let her reach her destination, wherever that is." Torbjorn said, "Who knows how many black people she's gonna kill if we let her loose."

"Right, we need to follow her and make sure she doesn't cause any harm to black people." Mercy added, "Overwatch is going to be in big trouble again if she goes wild again."

Meanwhile, Tracer was already in Los Angeles. She landed her plane on a building and walked down on the street. There were many black people around, and Tracer was armed with her guns.

"STOP!" Mercy shouted, "Don't do it Tracer!"

Mercy used her arcane magic to teleport to Tracer's location.

"Fuck you, Mercy." Tracer said, "I need to do this."

"Please… think of the families of the people you're going to kill! Think about how many lives you're going to take away! You think it's okay to kill people? ANY people?!"

"That's… what Overwatch does all the time. We kill each other everyday."

"Yes, but we're immortal and we respawn every five seconds." Mercy explained.

"Calm down bitch, I'm not even going to kill anyone." Tracer stated.

"Huh?"

"You seriously thought I was going to restore balance by killing a bunch of black people? Are you nuts?" Tracer laughed.

"Well…"

"Nope. That would be easier, of course, but given that I've recently acquired the Spellbook Of Seeds And Semens, I figured there is a betterway."

And then Tracer called upon the powers of life, seeding every white woman in Los Angeles.

"There." She said, "Done."

"What the hell did you do?" Mercy asked, still confused.

"I made every white woman in this city pregnant. And since fetus is also human, I've restored balance in the universe."

"Wow, congratulations." Mercy clapped her hands, "But what is this balance you're talking about? What would happen if your 'balance' was disrupted?"

"If the balance would not have been restored within the next few hours, the entire universe would vanish."

"Oh. Also, Winston said something about a 'purge', what was that about?"

"I blundered, meant to say 'mass impregnation'."

"._."

"Anyway, I've done my work here. Time to go back."

"Sure. Good to see you're not doing any harm to the society anymore!"

"Now you're just being mean."

Everything went very well. The balance was restored and Tracer didn't have to worry anymore.

That is, until the few months after, when every white woman in Los Angeles discovered that they're pregnant, even girls in elementary schools, and they were terrified and depressed about it, and they all killed themselves simultanously, disrupting balance so much that Tracer had no time to act, and the entire universe vanished.

 **THE END**

Author's note: I ate four apples today and shat myself.


End file.
